


I Had You and Then I Lost You

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: After season 1, Canon Compliant, Dream World, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Characters, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Panic Attacks, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, i might continue this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 07:51:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8004394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"“Am I dead?” he asked himself out loud, not expecting a response and being logically startled when he received one.<br/>Keith, standing propped up against the doorframe, his hair still wet from the shower, a tight black tank top and red sport shorts, was chuckling at him with that same look of adoration in his eyes, even if it was laced with fond annoyance. “No, but I’m surprised you aren’t puking your guts out after last night,” he answered with a soft smile, not moving from his spot at the door."</p>
<p>In which Keith and Lance are severely injured in battle and then suddenly they are getting married.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Had You and Then I Lost You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lukeflisk@tumblr](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=lukeflisk%40tumblr).
  * Inspired by [My Love Story Ideas (Klance)](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/228346) by lukeflisk. 



> Hello beautiful people!  
> It's been a while since I posted a new story.  
> Wow.  
> Anyway, I am Klance trash and when I saw some fanart on Tumblr I just had to write something about it.  
> This is for @lukeflisk on Tumblr, who made the fanart and came up with the story; I kind of just wrote it and added a few things of my own.  
> This is unbeta-ed... if that's even a word.  
> Let me know if you cry, your tears fuel me. *Laughs evily.*

They had been ambushed.

During a recon mission on an apparently deserted planet, they had been ambushed.

The Galra base was located underneath the ground, inside a complex system of caves. The preliminary scans revealed nothing and Team Voltron fell for it, entirely unprepared, unprotected and thus, easily defeated. Only Pidge wasn’t captured because she had stayed above the clouds, in her lion, keeping an eye out for them in case anything went wrong. She had been mapping the planet when she heard the distress calls from her teammates helmets, and quickly reported the situation to Allura and Coran back in the castle. Together they came up with a tricky planned extraction to bring all the paladins to safety.

Meanwhile, the new Galra prisoners had been stripped of their weapons and communications, led to the lowest level of the underground base and thrown in a much to small cell to hold them all. Apparently, this was not a base designed to hold large amounts of prisoners, meaning they had to use it for something else.

Everyone was worried, but the thought of Pidge kept their spirits lifted. Keith and Lance were sitting in the farthest corner of the cell, holding hands and whispering sweet reassurances about their escape and wellbeing. It didn’t feel too long since they had started their relationship, but more than six Earth months had already passed in between battles, battles, romance, battles, training, sleep and more battles.

Hunk was sitting next to Shiro, eyeing the leader of team Voltron wearily. He knew that the man suffered from PTSD, but he was usually able to keep his cool during missions and even when they had been captured in the past. Heck, he even managed to keep his cool when the wormhole spitted them across the galaxy. Yet now he seemed to be very more tense than usual, his eyes darting everywhere and sweating profusely. Hunk placed a comforting hand on Shiro’s shoulder, and the man jumped suddenly startled, which usually didn’t happen.

“Are you okay, Shiro?” he asked softly.

The man in question started to nod, before thinking it twice and biting his lower lip. “I think I’ve been here before,” he confessed in a small voice.

Hunk’s eyes widened. “You remember this place?”

“Remembering is saying too much,” Shiro answered, “It’s more like sudden flashes in my memory, like blurred scenes. I can’t explain it, but I have the feeling I’ve been here before.”

Well, that certainly explained why he seemed to be more on edge.

They would have continued the conversation had not for the sudden appearance of a Galra commander, probably the one who ran this particular base. Shiro’s body went suddenly rigid and his breath quickened, his eyes widened and goosebumps appeared on his skin despite the smoldering heat surrounding them. He clearly recognized the soldier in front of them.

“What do we have here?” the Galran practically purred then, “Four paladins of Voltron. Which means the fifth cannot be that far.” The team stiffened but otherwise remained silent. The commander made a disapproving sound. “I’ve heard many things about you lot; for starters, you have the entire empire on red alert,” he paused for effect, “I really don’t understand how a bunch of puny humans has managed to wreck this much havoc.”

Again, he was met by silence, but Hunk was worried that Shiro would have a panic attack if the Galra didn’t leave soon. The commander’s eyes swept through the paladins, not paying them much mind until he spotted Shiro and he smirked evily.

“It seems that the Champion has fallen again into our grasp,” he said casually, as if he were talking about the weather, confirming the team’s suspicions that Shiro knew this specific Galran. “You know; I was very hurt when you left. I thought we had made a connection.”

Shiro recovered from his stupor to growl angrily at the Galran, “You can’t hurt me.”

“Oh, but I can,” the Galra purred again in a way that gave the team the creeps, “And trust me, I will. Perhaps this time with an audience. Or maybe I’ll torture them and make you watch them scream.” His eyes focused on Keith, who was the one glaring at him more viciously, causing Lance to tighten his hand around the red paladin’s, “I like that fire in your eyes. Maybe you can become the next champion.”

Without another word, the commander left and the paladins collectively exhaled in relief. They had been trained on how to deal with these situations by Coran, who despite his extravagance and bad cooking skills had one been a high ranking officer of the Altean army, and the one thing he’d engrained in their brain was to never show any fear even if they terrified. They could not let the enemy intimidate them, for that meant they had already lost half the battle. However, the visit of this commander had shaken them all to the core, and they didn’t know if it was because of the particular way he’d stare at them as if they were cattle, or the glint in his eyes he got at the end of the conversation.

Lance felt terrified that this Galra would forcefully take Keith away from them, from him, and frankly didn’t want to find out what he had in mind for any of them. Keith, on his part, was mad. In fact, he was furious. Not only had he threatened his team, his friends, he had implied to having tortured Shiro before and had promised him the very same fate, which left a bad taste in his mouth and an uneasy feeling in his stomach.

Hunk was concerned about the whole conversation as a whole really; if they had managed to get the attention of a high ranking commander of the Galra empire, no doubt an entire fleet was heading their way, probably even Zarkon himself. That and he was extremely worried about Shiro, who hadn’t move or talked at all since the commander left. In fact, he seemed barely there.

Truth to be told he was having a really hard time keeping down the panic creeping up his spine. He remembered that man with awful clarity in between the blurry images he constantly saw. In fact, that commander plagued his nightmares. He had a hunch, because the trauma had probably blocked the memory away from his reach, that he had been the reason he lost his arm. That he was the reason of many of his scars, actually. But what kept him frozen in place the sheer clarity of Matt’s voice in his head screaming his name, and he didn’t know if that was part of a repressed memory of the place or something he’d conjured from elsewhere.

According to the small watch embedded in their suit, it had already been two hours since they’d been captured. They wondered if Pidge was any closer to finding them and feared to think that she’d been captured herself and taken somewhere else. They had no way of communicating with Allura or even knowing what was going on above the surface, and the still silence was driving them mad. Keith looked just about ready to explode and Lance had fallen completely silent, Hunk kept trying to lighten the mood futilely and Shiro had all but locked himself inside his head. They were suddenly startled by the sound of footsteps coming their way from the hallway. They tensed, expecting Galra, but released a collective breath when they spotted Pidge’s green suit.

“Man, you are a sight for sore eyes,” Hunk exhaled, relieved, and even Pidge seemed to relax her shoulders a bit.

“Hold on, I’ll open this in a minute so we can all go,” she said, immediately getting to work.

Lance let out an excited exclamation, slightly subdued because they didn’t need to draw attention to themselves, while Keith allowed himself a small smile. Their hands tightened where they were interlocked together.

“What about our stuff?” Hunk asked.

“It’s a floor above us, we can pick them up on our way out,” Pidge replied swiftly without taking her eyes off her miniature computer. Thirty seconds later there was whirring noise and the bars fizzled out.

The tightness in their chests loosened somewhat and even Shiro looked better, even if sweat was still coating his brow and his shoulders were still tense. The team made it out of the cells in silence, but before they fully left the dungeons, Lance touched his lips softly to Keith’s, a soft reassurance or a silent promise.

Then they continued to the same elevator that brought them down. They were all biting their lips worriedly, clenching and unclenching because they felt naturally unprotected and defenseless. The elevator stopped one floor up and much to their relief, there weren’t guards to greet them immediately. They slowly made their way through the maze of hallways, silently following Pidge, who led them to a room that looked like an armory. For some reason it was open, and for some reason their weapons were right there along with their helmets.

“It somehow seems too easy,” Keith whispered, eyeing the room in distrust. Lance was about to brush his worries off with a goofy smile and a joke, as usual, but the grim expressions on all of their faces kind of spoiled his mood. After all, it _seemed_ too easy, they were outnumbered and the odds were definitely no in their favor.

Pidge scanned the room multiple times with her computer but she didn’t pick up anything. She told them as much. So Lance, in his usual fashion, took a step towards their weapons. Everyone was kind of expecting something to go wrong right then and there, so when he reached them with minor incidents, they were all surprised. Relieved too, but mostly surprised. Until the blue paladin grabbed his helmet and the alarms, naturally, activated.

“Shit,” Keith cursed and everyone immediately ran to recover their stuff. They proceeded then to run away from the room and into the lift which would take them out of there and, hopefully, towards their hidden lions. If they were still hidden where they left them, that is.

Again, they met little to no resistance as they escaped the base, which was more than just a little odd. Their surprise became apprehension when the elevator opened on the surface and they saw that the entire Galra squad stationed in that base had risen up to meet them in yet another ambush.

This time though, they were prepared.

The commander from before was leading the squad, and when Shiro saw him he froze. Suddenly he couldn’t remember any fighting combinations or the exercises he’d made countless of times before with the team to deal with these kinds of situations. All because this time, the commander had a very menacing looking whip striped to his belt and a very threatening looking sword pointing at them. He recognized those weapons.

Lance noticed Shiro’s sudden discomfort. “We need to get Shiro out of here,” he whispered to the team, causing them to turn towards their leader and they all silently agreed when they noticed the small tremors that were running down his body.

“Hunk and I can take him towards Green,” Pidge piped in and very subtlety motioned to the forest they had to their right. “You and Keith cover for us until we are out of sight, then you have to retreat in the same direction. Green and I will then cover for you.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Lance said with a small smirk that masked his nerves and looked at Keith from the corner of his eye. The red paladin wordlessly nodded and then everything turned into chaos.

Like one, the Galra soldiers started to fire their weapons at the team. Hunk and Pidge jumped in front of Shiro and shielded him when the man hadn’t made a move to defend himself just yet. Then each grabbed an arm and practically hauled Shiro in the direction of the forest as they deflected the shots while trying to attack. Meanwhile, Lance had taken position behind Keith knowing he’d cover for him as the blue paladin provided cover for Pidge, Hunk and Shiro. The red paladin was slashing at all the droids that came too close, taking a couple of steps forwards to have a wider range, and that’s when he noticed the commander moving towards their friends making a hasty retreat.

“Lance, can you manage?” he asked through gritted teeth as he sharply pointed to the Galra commander, knowing that the blue paladin was looking at him.

“Yes,” he answered, his voice strained, “Can _you_?”

“I’ll have to,” Keith replied and proceeded to charge at the commander, getting this wicked satisfaction at the Galra’s surprised expression, clearly not expecting the attack. However, his mouth quickly turned into a smirk when he saw who had attacked him.

“Seems like you are eager to become the next champion,” the Galra said tauntingly and Keith frowned.

“You wish,” the red paladin snarled and continued to mercilessly thrust and slash with his sword. However, the commander wasn’t commander just by name and it was a hard to keep up, especially when the Galra got serious.

Still, a few minutes later Pidge and Hunk had already disappeared through the foliage of the forest and Lance had taken out most of the drones. He positioned himself and then shot at the commander, getting him off of Keith for a few precious seconds. “Let’s go, now!” Lance yelled, but the Galra had recovered quicker than he’d expect and, in Keith’s distraction, thrusted his sword upwards, getting the red paladin impaled through the gut.

Lance screamed. Then he fired at the commander, who barely had time for a self-satisfied smirk before the blue paladin’s shots hit him in the shoulder. His armor protected him, but still the impact of the shot sent him backwards. Before he could recover, he once again received the shot, this time on his stomach, and he was forced to take another step backwards. The tango continued until the commander realized that he wouldn’t be able to get anywhere unless he got cover and then he hid himself behind a boulder. From there, he spied something quite remarkable in his sick sense of humor.

The blue paladin was hosting up the fallen red paladin, who had a gaping, bleeding wound in his stomach and together they were making their way through the rubble and towards the forest where the other three paladins had escaped to. The blue paladin was speaking, if the movement of his mouth was anything to go by, and was hardly paying attention to the shots he himself was receiving from the droids that were left. He took a shot to the shoulder, barely caring and carrying on. Then another on his chest, which just had to hurt if the dent in the armor was anything to go by. Finally, two shots on his left leg that nearly made him collapse, but he still carried on. At some point, from the foliage came the green lion baring its weapons and the commander knew this was a fight he could not win, yet he could not stop looking. The blue paladin finally collapsed under the dead weight of the red paladin’s unconscious, probably even dead, form just before the green lion stopped right in front of them and raised its shield to protect them.

When it finally raised in the air and left, all the evidence that was left of their presence was the big pool of red blood pooling in the dirt. The commander smirked, at least he’d killed the red paladin.

* * *

Lance didn’t know where he was, but he knew that he needed to move. Someone was hurt, and he needed to protect them. Someone needed him, someone he loved… Keith! His eyes snapped open and for a minute he was very, very confused. Above, below and all around him was the endless space he’d grown so accustomed to. Endless emptiness and stillness. And then, out of the stars, Keith walked out slowly and approached him; he didn’t speak, he just stared at him with a small smile, one he reserved only for Lance, and eyes full of sheer adoration.

Lance was about to ask what was going on when Keith turned tail and ran, his eyes turning mischievous. Confused, the Cuban boy ran after him. Before he could catch him though, he vanished again and Lance was engulfed by light.

* * *

When he opened his eyes again… he was greeted by warm sunlight. Sunlight that should have not been there at all. He remembered Keith and sprang up in a bed he hadn’t used since he’d left for the garrison, underestimating the tangle of sheets and falling face first into the floor. He groaned loudly.

Then his mouth fell open when he realized he was in his own room, back in Veradero beach in Cuba, with his old furniture and his old bed, the old crumbling wallpaper of little spaceships. “Am I dead?” he asked himself out loud, not expecting a response and being logically startled when he received one.

Keith, standing propped up against the doorframe, his hair still wet from the shower, a tight black tank top and red sport shorts, was chuckling at him with that same look of adoration in his eyes, even if it was laced with fond annoyance. “No, but I’m surprised you aren’t puking your guts out after last night,” he answered with a soft smile, not moving from his spot at the door.

Lance blinked once, then twice. Then he asked very eloquently, “Last night?”

What he remembered from last night wasn’t even night. The last he remembered was the battle against the Galra, covering for Pidge, Hunk and Shiro, then Keith being hurt. Keith being _fatally_ wounded. He trying to get them to Green, Pidge coming to help them and then finally collapsing beneath the lion’s hull not without giving a last squeeze to Keith’s unresponsive hand.

This Keith, apparently, didn’t remember any of that. He only quirked an eyebrow. “Yes, last night. The New Year’s party at your grandma’s house with all your family? The one you so adamantly insisted that I come?” Lance frowned. That didn’t make sense. That had never happened, although it did seem like a good idea if he’d ever come up with one. He’d zoned out too long, though, because he was suddenly startled by Keith’s warm hand on his face, his concerned eyes staring into his. “Are you okay, Lance?”

Without warning, Lance propelled himself forward and locked his arms around his boyfriend. His very alive, healthy boyfriend. He was shaking, he noticed, but was too relieved to care.

“Lance, what’s wrong?” Keith asked, worried.

The Cuban didn’t think he could ask past the knot in his throat so he just shook his head, tightening his arms around Keith’s neck. Keith, in turned, slumped slightly but started tracing comforting circles on his back.

Eventually they parted, and Lance realized he’d started to cry at some point and Keith was wiping his tears away. “What happened baby?” the Korean man asked softly and Lance pressed his hands against the other’s cheeks.

“You’re alive,” he said breathlessly, “You’re alive and well and in my house and you have no idea how relieved I am.”

Keith’s eyes were still worried but softened somewhat. “That must have been some nightmare,” he replied softly and Lance let himself believed that it had really been all a very long, ugly nightmare.

They were called for lunch then, and Lance realized that it was past noon. Keith then kissed him softly and rose the two of them from the floor where they had been crouched down, Lance immediately getting pins and needles. He was visible shaken by whatever had happened to him, so Keith slowly guided him -in his own home, mind you -downstairs to the kitchen were all his siblings and his parents were already assembled.

Lance felt like crying all over again. Instead, he lied about being hungover, something Keith didn’t call him out on, and then he enjoyed on the post New Year’s Eve meal his mother was famous for.

It was so surreal.

The rest of the day was spent doing some chores, playing some board games in the living room, watching the classic movies they always repeated during the Holiday season on TV and just relaxing, all and all. Lance had almost forgotten about his memories -or were had been dreams all along? -until his mother ushered everyone upstairs to sleep, including Keith and himself.

They changed into their pajamas silently, Lance content that this was a habit they had long since mastered back in the Castle of Lions, before curling up together on the bed. Keith stared at him worriedly for a few moments before Lance spoke. “Will you still be here when I wake up?” he whispered, afraid of losing the man who was slowly nodding off in his arms.

Keith’s arms tightened around him and he sighed, sinking into Lance’s chest.

“Always.”

* * *

It felt like he hadn’t slept at all when his eyes opened again, and Lance was startled and suddenly terrified when the only thing to greet him was the endless space full of stars and galaxies. Keith was still running in front of him and again Lance felt that he needed to go after him, else he’d lose him, so he ran too.

The light from before engulfed him again before he could reach him, catching completely unprepared.

* * *

And then he woke up to an alarm blaring.

For a moment he thought he was back at the castle, asleep on his bed and that the alarm meant that they were under attack. So acting more on instinct than anything, he jumped into a sitting position and was about to run towards his lion when he realized, once again… _This is not my room_.

Or maybe it was.

After all, the mess was clearly his, as well as the pictures on the desk and the walls. A calendar next to the door had a big red circle on a date he couldn’t see, but he _could_ make out the oddly shaped hearts on it.

The alarm was still blaring but when he turned towards the sound he discovered the old alarm clock he had taken with him to the garrison.

Then he was startled once more when something, someone, tightened his arms around his middle section.

“Turn it off,” the person groaned, and Lance exhaled a breath when he spotted Keith’s messy morning hair and his figure draped across him on the bed. He reached out to the clock and turned the alarm off. Blessed silence came over them, and while Keith was trying to snuggle back into him to steal five more minutes of sleep, Lance’s mind was reeling too much to even process it was six in the morning.

Eventually, realizing that he would not be able to continue cuddling if his boyfriend didn’t lie back down, Keith sat up as well with a mild-glare-slight-pout, which promptly disappeared when he saw the distressed look in Lance’s face. Immediately, he became worried.

“Did you have another dream?” Keith asked in a soft voice, yet Lance was still startled.

Lance stayed quiet for a few, long moment in which he only stared at Keith as if to commit his face to memory. “How long have I been having these dreams for?”

Keith frowned, confused, “Not much, but when you do you get like this.” Lance didn’t reply, so the Korean man continued, “What was it about this time?”

The Cuban boy laughed a little hysterically, and raised his hands to pull at his short hair. “I don’t know any more Keith,” he confessed in despair, “I don’t know if this is a dream or not.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Keith quickly pried his boyfriend’s hands away from his hair, “Calm down. Tell me about it, maybe I can help.”

Lance let out another slightly deranged laugh. “We were in space. We became defenders of the galaxy and we piloted these big, badass robots to form an even bigger badass robot… but you got hurt. You got hurt badly and I don’t… I can’t…” His eyes filled with tears and Keith pulled him into a tight embrace.

“It’s okay,” he comforted, “I’m okay, you’re okay. We’re both okay. In fact, we should get ready else we’ll be late.”

Lance frowned, “Late for what?”

Keith pulled back, a worried frown of his own etched deeply onto his face, “Okay, now I’m really concerned if you forgot today’s our wedding day.”

Lance’s eyebrows jumped to his hairline, his eyes widened and his mouth opened. Then he looked at the calendar and with two quick strides that knocked Keith out of balance because they were _still tangled up_ he read the date up close and the red circle with hearts around it that read WEDDING in big black bold letters.

“We’re getting married today,” he whispered breathlessly, earning a punch in the shoulder from Keith.

“Of course we are, you doofus. Don’t go getting cold feet on me, eh?” he said, half joking but still concerned about his boyfriend’s nightmares which seemed to be getting out of hand.

Lance, still rubbing his arm up and down, replied, “Remind me again why am I marrying you?”

All of Keith’s concerned flew out the window through an annoyed huff and an eye-roll. “You’re fine, now let’s go or we _will_ be late and I’ll blame you.”

Lance laughed then, a real laugh with genuine excitement and giddiness because _today_ I’m getting married and _right now_ nothing else matters so he pushed away everything about the lions and space and the Galra and decided to enjoy this day. Perhaps everything had been a dream, after all.

They took turns taking a shower and getting suited up. At eleven o’clock, Hunk arrived also in a suit and practically dragged Lance out of the house because _we still need to get the rings dammit_ , and the Cuban boy barely had time to register how relaxed he looked, so different from the look of constant worry he tried to mask when they were in the castle, even if they were not under attack.

_Nope, not thinking about that right now,_ Lance told himself and allowed to be whisked off.

An hour and a half later he was in the city hall, surrounded by Pidge and Shiro and Hunk and even his parents, signing the marital contract and being congratulated by everyone in the vicinity. They even took a few selfies with other couples who were getting married and all and all it was a very happy occasion.

Then, together in a limo someone had rented for the day, they made it to the venue where they would perform the religious ceremony. It was beautiful, and when Lance said so he earned an ear pull from Pidge because _of course it is, Lance, you chose it!_

They met in front of the aisle where a priest was more than ready to bless their unions, because Lance’s Cuban family was religious enough to not allow a non-religious marriage and so had gone and found a priest willing to perform the ceremony, and they exchanged their vows. Then they kissed and there were cheers from all their guests, which were plenty more than those who were allowed at City Hall, and Lance could not be happier than he was at this moment. Keith was positively glowing too.

Then came the reception, there in the same venue.

There was eating and drinking, obviously, and there was also dancing. Lance was very proud to say he was a very good dancer, something Keith always made fun of but not tonight, because tonight they were dancing their first dance as a married couple and it felt like floating on cloud nine.

They didn’t stop dancing after that first song. They kept spinning and twirling.

At some point they had to go greet their guests, so they did it happily before returning to the dance floor, where they danced a couple of more songs. Slowly, the people started to retire for the night, but Lance and Keith were still on the dancefloor. That’s when he saw them. In the far wall of the venue, in a dark corner practically out of sight, were Shiro with his metal arm and armor and Allura. Not the same Shiro who had brought their rings to them, who was happily chatting at the moment with Matt Hold and Pidge, who looked very nice in his soft green dress and long hair straightened for the night, but the Shiro he knew was part of the nightmares he was trying to forget.

He tensed up and Keith noticed them, placing a comforting hand on his cheek with a question in his eyes.

“I’m fine babe,” Lance answered to the unspoken question and continued to dance.

Much later, after the wedding has long ended and they had sealed their love with a kiss and something more, just before falling asleep, Lance started speaking softly. “I am so afraid of losing you,” he confessed, “I am afraid of waking up from this and realizing it was all a dream.”

Keith’s arms tightened around his husband and he kissed the uncovered shoulder he had underneath. “Go to sleep Lance,” he said with a slurry voice, “We’ll talk in the morning.”

“Yeah,” Lance conceded, but was silently afraid of closing his eyes. Keith probably noticed his reluctance, and rose up to touch his lips with his.

“I’m here, you’re here and that’s all that matters, okay?” he whispered, before falling back on Lance’s shoulder and promptly falling asleep.

Lance, now slightly more at ease, cuddled closer to Keith and closed his eyes, sleep enveloping almost immediately.

* * *

This times he is sure that the stars are part of a dream in which he is meant to be chasing Keith, so he does, kind of excited about the prospect of finding what this Dream-Keith wants to show him.

When the familiar, warm light from before finds him, he welcomes it with open arms.

* * *

He opens his eyes next when he hears crying. Not any kind of crying either, but the ear piercing wails of a baby in the next room. He opens his eyes, expecting to find Keith -he would find Keith -next to him on the bed only for the spot to be empty but still warm, meaning he just left.

So sleepily rubbing his eyes, Lance too climbs out of bed only to realize it’s still pretty dark outside. He walks through a hallway he’s never seen before yet his muscles remember somehow and to the only other room from where light is coming from. He stops and looks at the pictures hanging from the wall; there is one from their wedding, another with Hunk, Pidge and Shiro in front of their new house, which is probably where he is living right now, another one of his entire family from Cuba piling up in the old living room in his grandma’s house, with Keith and Lance squeezed in the middle of two overweight cousins but happily smiling at the camera. Then, the newest one if the frame is anything to go by, showing them in front of a hospital, Lance carrying balloons that read IT’S A BOY while Keith holds a car-seat in his arms, from where a small baby’s face is peeking out, fast asleep*. Who is probably the baby wailing in the other room… or who, well, is not wailing anymore but is still in the other room.

Lance finally arrives at the entryway of a room painted baby blue, where a white cradle sits on the corner with a fish mobile hanging from there, a tall table with drawers and a blanket to change diapers on the wall to his right, and in front of him, in a rocking chair, sat Keith with a small baby in his arms, feeding him from a bottle.

Slowly, Lance walks towards his husband and _his son_ and gently wraps his arms around Keith’s shoulders. Keith isn’t even startled, completely safe and content in his house, and smiles at Lance through sleepy eyes.

“I’m sorry I woke you,” he said softly, returning his gaze to stare adoringly at the baby who is looking back at them with sharp, eager eyes, “This little boy needed to eat.”

Lance laughed softly, “I can see that.”

They stayed like that, just basking in the sweet domesticity of the situation until the baby finished his bottle and Keith made him burp before putting him in the cradle, tucking him inside his blue blanket filled with dolphins. Clearly, the shopping had been done by Lance.

When he was finally asleep, Keith turned to kiss Lance’s lips softly before leading them both back to bed. “Remember we need to take Alex to his appointment with the pediatrician tomorrow morning,” he told Lance, who simply nodded.

By then they had arrived back at their room and they got into bed, tiredness seeping deep into their bones. “I can’t believe we’re parents,” Lance commented in awe, just before falling asleep.

“I know,” Keith replied in earnest, “I’m just glad that the adoption went so swiftly.”

Lance believes he saw Hunk’s yellow paladin armor by the corner of the room, but when he looks, it’s empty. It’s probably just a dream anyway, so it doesn’t matter. He falls asleep soon after spooning Keith in his arms.

* * *

When Lance next appears in space it doesn’t even surprise him anymore.

The only difference is that now Keith has stopped running.

As Lance reaches out to touch his shoulder, the same white light as always engulfs him and swallows him whole.

* * *

He is once more greeted by warm sunlight. He is sitting in a rocking chair by the sounds of it, and when he opens his eyes, he is back at the house. He is sitting in the porch, Keith next to him looking very old yet very happy and in front of them they can see their friends. Old friends and new ones; Hunk, walking heavily with a cane, Pidge, a little old prune who still managed to move around the place like she owed it, and Shiro, also old and a little worse for wear but otherwise fine.

Around them there are many young people as well, amongst them a man in his forties probably who he recognizes as his son. How does he know, he isn’t sure, but how could he not recognize the boy he raised? Around him there is a woman and children running, and he is futilely trying to regain control of the situation.

There are more children around them, all their grandkids Lance realizes. And their families, their sons and daughters with their husbands and their wives.

They all look so happy, so content…

And then there’s Keith, sitting next to him in another rocking chair, smiling at the sight.

He turns when he feels eyes on him.

“How was your nap darling?” he asks his husband as he draws circles on the back of his hand, staring at him lovingly.

Lance sighs in contentment. “You know, as always.” He is surprised when his voice sounds raspier, older, but not too much.

He is startled, however, when amongst the happy crowd of people in his garden he sees at the far end his friends, younger, dressed in armor and ready to fight. Shiro is missing his arm, replaces by metal; Pidge is small but determined to find her family and ready to use her brains to kick some ass. Hunk is hesitant but loyal, always there to offer support, ready and steady as a rock. And there are Allura and Coran, their leaders, mourning the death of their own planet while trying to save the galaxy. Lance’s breath catches in his throat and he is sure is not because of his age.

Keith’s hand tightens around his.

“Can you see them?” Lance asks, whispering, afraid of speaking too loud.

“Yeah,” Keith answers, and Lance whips his head around to stare at his husband… only to find him young again. Around them, the house has faded as well as the people in it, the endless space and stars taking their place. “They are worried about you.”

“Why?” Lance asked, his brain suddenly shortcutting, “What are you talking about.”

Keith’s eyes soften and sadden, a heavy sense of dread has started to form on Lance’s stomach. “Because you were hurt during the battle.”

Lance is quick to reply, “So were you.”

Keith shrugs. “I am not hurt anymore.”

The blue paladin suddenly finds himself hopeful, “So you’ve been healed?”

Keith looks away, and the hope Lance had harbored shrivels up; “I don’t think I made it.”

“Then what’s this?” Lance asks with anger, despair boiling beneath his voice, grief slowly worming its way through his heart, “What did I just see? What are you?”

Keith takes his hand away from Lance’s and stares at it intently, “I’m not sure myself, but I’m sure Red has something to do with this.” The blue paladin is speechless, he wants to say so many things, to fight against this, yet… yet he can’t. Not when Keith is looking at him again with his eyes filled with adoration and love yet with an indescribable sorrow and regret that Lance just _knows_ and it _breaks_ him. “I wish we could have led this life together,” he tells him, “I’m sorry.”

Lance can’t accept it, so he grabs Keith’s face in his hands and kisses him fiercely. “Don’t say that,” he pleads, tears thick in his voice, “Please, don’t say that. You are okay, and if you aren’t, you will be. You have to…”

Keith then embraces Lance and places his head above the other’s heart, “I love you Lance. Thank you.”

Lance is just about to say reply, say that he loves him too, that he can’t imagine living without him, but before he can Keith vanishes in a puff of stars that expand all around him before it fades again and he is left in the darkness… alone.

There is a hiss, the release of air and pressure, and suddenly he is falling forward. He falls into something warm, and for a brief moment he fools himself into believing it’s Keith and that he _is fine_ , but then bigger arms than Keith’s wrap around him and prop him up. He lifts his head and stares right into Hunk’s concerned eyes, who then proceeds to hold him tight. He spies Pidge to the side, Shiro behind Hunk and Coran and Allura on the back of their group. Keith is missing and Lance isn’t sure he wants to know _why_.

Yet, in his dazed state, Lance apparently called his name.

Hunk’s arms tensed around him and Lance broke away from the hug. No one was looking at him. Pidge had red rimmed eyes and her clothes were more wrinkled than usual, Shiro had deep dark bags under his eyes and he looked pale, and Coran and Allura looked downright distraught. Then Hunk… Hunk had started crying just as Lance uttered Keith’s name and he just _knew_.

And then, from the corner of his eye, he thought he caught a glimpse of red.

So with wrenching himself away from Hunk, earning a surprised exclamation from everyone, he started running after it. It didn’t matter he felt sore, or that he felt weak, or that his legs felt like jelly. He started chasing for that glimpse of red just like he had in his dreams… because everything he had experienced had been nothing more than a figment of his imagination.

He checked the training room and the kitchen, but he didn’t catch that red again. He went to Keith’s room even, which was just the same as the day they’d left, as the day they’d been ambushed. Lance pushed away the bitter pang of pain at the sight and carried on. After what felt like hours, he caught the glimpse of red in a hallway he’d never walked before, leading him to a room he’d never seen.

It was dark, pitch black, except for the soft lights that marked where he should walk. When he stepped into the room, dimmed, orange lights turned on and he could see. Lance almost wishes he couldn’t. It was a wide chamber, with a vaulted ceiling and tall columns. At the front dais were statues of the five lions of Voltron, but what made the breath catch on his throat was the coffin-like-box standing on the dais. His feet carried him towards it even when his heart screamed not to.

It sorts of looked like a healing pod in the way it was propped up, but that was where the similarities ended. It was clearly of Altean manufacture, made of a black material he didn’t recognized and the shape was more squared. When he touched it, it felt cold. Then, he tried to open it but couldn’t find a ledge. He needed to open it though, he needed _to get Keith out_.

Lance eventually gave up, defeated, and fell to his knees in front of it. At some point he started crying, but he didn’t even notice. The only thing he was aware of was the acute pain in his chest that didn’t let him breathe. Then he realized it was more than just a metaphor, he _could not_ breathe. His vision swam, his ears rang and he almost fell to the side as small wheezes escaped from his mouth, trying to draw breath and failing. He felt like throwing up.

Then something warm was on his hand and he could feel the rhythm of a beating heart. The ringing in his ears slowly diminished and he realized someone was speaking to him. _In. Out. In. Out._ He followed their instructions without registering who they were until he was breathing properly again and his vision had stopped swimming. Then he realized Shiro was kneeling in front of him, that he had suffered from a panic attack and that _Keith was dead_.

Lance fell against Shiro’s chest, sobbing loudly and wailing.

Keith was dead; he was dead and nothing mattered anymore because _Keith was dead_.

By the time he had spent his tears, he could barely feel anything but a faint ache in his chest, and even that was faded and dull. Shiro helped him stand up and he did so on wobbly legs; the man led Lance slowly through the halls and somehow he ended up in the kitchen, sitting on his usual spot at the table and with a bowl of green goo in front of him.

Lance again felt like throwing up, so he pushed the bowl away.

“C’mon Lance, you need to eat something,” it wasn’t Shiro who spoke, it was Hunk, and that’s when the blue paladin realized that everyone was there and everyone was staring at him expectantly, hopefully.

Lance could not find his voice.

He shook his head.

“You were in the pod for three days,” Pidge supplied, her voice small in comparison to how she usually talked, “You need to eat.”

Lance shook his head. Just one look at the goo made his stomach turn. He didn’t think he could keep it down.

Shiro sighed then and spoke to him very softly, the way he would a startled animal. “Keith wouldn’t want you to starve yourself.”

That hurt.

That hurt because it was true.

So Lance brought the bowl closer to him with shaking hands and grabbed the spoon. He took a little of the thing, noticing it was diluted into some sort of soup, and slowly brought it up to his mouth. He pushed it in. It had a weird texture, and even weirder taste, but he forced himself to swallow.

He doubled himself over as it immediately came back up.

His friends were immediately at his side, urging to help him but not knowing how, but Lance pushed them all away. How did they expect him to eat… to act _normal_ …?

He slowly got up from the chair and left towards his room. But then he passed by Keith’s and hesitated. In the end Lance went to his own room and shut the door, making a bee line to the bed and even though he had spent the last three days sleeping in a pod, he decided he wanted to sleep more.

He wanted to see Keith again.

* * *

Much to his disappointment, Lance didn’t dream of Keith that night. And not only that, but he woke up feeling as if the place where is heart was had been replaced by a black hole, swallowing up everything and leaving nothing behind.

His limbs felt heavy when he got out of bed, but he still got up and out of his room, towards the chamber where his lover’s coffin was located.

Lance wasn’t even aware of the direction he was taking and just trusted his feet to remember the way, and eventually he made it back to that chamber and back to the coffin.

He ignored the lights when they turned on, barely reacting, and sat down crossed legged in front of the thing. He leaned forward and rested his forehead against it, trying to pretend for a moment that it was Keith and not the cold surface of whatever material that was.

“You’re an ass,” he said out loud to no one and to everyone, “You didn’t even say anything. You didn’t even say goodbye.” His face scrunched up and he released a heartbreaking sob, tears slowly sliding down his cheeks and falling on his empty hands. “I love you so much, and it hurts so bad…”

He remembered the vivid images he dreamt of while healing. He remembered how Keith looked amongst his family, how everyone had welcomed him with open arms and how happy they had been. He remembered then their wedding, their vows, their dance. He remembered how Keith’s eyes sparkled with happiness and satisfaction and how he thought they’d be together for eternity. He remembered their wedding night. Then their son, their adopted son, who was only a baby but who already meant so much to his parents. He remembered seeing them all together at the very end, having lived very fulfilling long lives, having raised families, having been happy.

Then he remembered none of that was real, and now it would never be.

Another sob broke through Lance’s throat, unbidden, and he cried with renewed vigor.

“It’s not fair,” he said in between his tears, over and over again.

He remembered Keith amongst the stars, running ahead of him, ahead of time to a place where Lance couldn’t reach him. And he remembered that Keith told him he loved him, right before he disappeared.

He remembered two words that stood out amongst the rest.

He wanted to say them back, but they got stuck in his throat. The knot tightened and he found it hard to breathe again.

But still, Lance needed to say them back.

So with much effort and practically pushing his voice forcefully out of his lungs, he said them. Louder than he wanted, followed by hiccups, sobbing and more tears. Then he repeated them again, softer.

“Thank _you_.”

**Author's Note:**

> lukeflist.tumblr.com   
> cleareyes95.tumblr.com
> 
> I might continue it because I just hate when people do not show the entire grieving process, but it's 1:30 am and I need to wake up early for work but I really wanted to post this.


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